The Unexpected Gift: What Happens When We Listen & Hold Space
Last week, I led a week-long workshop in Bangkok for 19 managers from Telenor’s Asian offices, diving into innovation, leadership, and self-awareness. One of the participants, who was one of the most senior of the bunch, really stood out to me—let’s just say he wasn’t shy about expressing his opinions. In fact, at times, he was a bit challenging and, to be blunt, pretty hard to engage with. As frustrating as it was, I tried to understand where he was coming from, reminding myself that he most likely had a lot to contribute—all he needed was the right space to do so. After all, as the saying goes, behind every cynic is a disappointed idealist, which I think I first heard here.
By the end of the week, this guy started softening up and began to share a boatload of helpful insights. To my surprise, one night after the group wrapped up, he joined me for a drink by the river. He had Cokes, I had beers—an appropriate pairing, I thought, for this unexpected moment. Our conversation turned into something really intimate and vulnerable. He shared in his characteristically low voice a deeply personal and tragic story with me, and I found myself truly moved by his openness, struggling to hold back my tears (admittedly, something not uncommon for me).
He also shared his faith, and I was genuinely fascinated. As someone who’s been curious about Islam, especially since my heart attack, I felt like I was finally getting some answers from someone with authentic knowledge and personal experience. He enlightened me, in meticulous storytelling detail, on the beautiful and heroic life of the prophet Moses, which I was intrigued to learn is the most frequently mentioned individual in the Quran.
The conversation shifted to feedback, and I found the courage to tell him that he’d be even more impactful if he let go of the need to always be right or prove himself. I encouraged him to abandon the clunky metal armor he walked in with on day one, by uncovering who he really was early on: a kind, caring, deeply supportive dude who’s been forced to confront some horrific life circumstances. I also mentioned that I sensed some tension with authority, which he was open about acknowledging. And just like that, what had started as a difficult interaction turned into one of the most memorable and meaningful moments of my corporate-training career.
As I woke up the next morning grumpily regretting saying yes to the previous night’s final two beers, I was glad to see a text from him asking to meet for breakfast. We again sat next to the river—only copious amounts of coffee were involved this time, I promise!—as he handed me a gift: a book called Secrets of Divine Love by A. Helwa, a Muslim scholar. It was his personal copy and incredibly thoughtful. It served as a powerful reminder of how things come full circle when we let ourselves be open. This experience reinforced for me that it’s vital to listen, be patient, and hold space for people, especially when they’re challenging or defensive. You never know what beauty is waiting beneath the surface—sometimes all it takes is to be seen and heard.
I feel fortunate to have had the chance to meet him and to be part of the process where people can unwind and reveal the true depth of who they are—authenticity on steroids. I now leave you with a passage from the book he gifted me:
"No one has the power to truly change a heart. I believe only God can decide what path we will walk on this spaciously beautiful Earth. God is intentional and nothing happens by accident…You are a palace of hidden gems and the greatest treasure you could ever find is already within you. Gold will melt, money will burn, but you carry the everlasting and mysterious breath of God inside of you and that can never be taken away."
Nothing, my dear reader, happens by accident. 🫶 Peace be upon all of you. ✌️