Love Questions

Used For 💡

• Building trust and psychological safety

• Accelerating meaningful connection in teams

• Practicing deep listening and presence

• Humanizing colleagues beyond roles

• Strengthening collaboration and empathy

• Laying foundations for high-performing teams

Group Size 👫

Pairs

Total Time ⏳

20–45 minutes (depending on number of questions used)

What This Is 🤔

Love Questions is a structured dialogue exercise where pairs take turns asking and answering progressively deeper questions — while the other person listens attentively, without interruption or judgment.

Despite the name, this is not a romantic exercise. It is a connection exercise.

By combining self-disclosure with attentive listening in a clear structure, the practice creates a rapid sense of closeness, safety, and mutual understanding — conditions that are essential for trust, learning, and effective collaboration.

Used well, Love Questions help teams move beyond polite interaction and into genuine human connection — without forcing intimacy or oversharing.

How It Works 🔩

1. Form Pairs
Participants pair up and sit facing each other. Explain the structure clearly before starting.

2. Set the Turn-Taking Rule
Use the following sequence:

• Question 1
  Partner A asks → Partner B answers
  Then Partner B asks → Partner A answers

• Question 2
  Partner B asks → Partner A answers
  Then Partner A asks → Partner B answers

Continue alternating in this pattern for each subsequent question. No interruptions. No fixing. No commentary.

3. Move Through the Questions Sequentially
Questions gradually deepen — from light and reflective to more personal and emotionally revealing. Participants decide how much they want to share. Passing is always allowed.

4. Emphasize Listening Over Responding
The practice is not about being interesting or impressive.

It’s about:

• Being present

• Listening fully

• Letting silence do its work

5. Continue Through Multiple Questions
Pairs alternate roles with each new question. For most workshops, selecting 8–10 questions from the list provided below offers the right balance of depth and energy.

6. Close with Reflection
End with a brief individual reflection or a short paired conversation about what was noticed.

Facilitation Material 👩‍🏫

Download full list of Love Questions in English & Norwegian

Download PPT slides for easy facilitation

Optional Reflection Prompts 💬

• What did you notice about how it felt to be truly listened to?

• What surprised you in your partner’s answers?

• What changed in the quality of connection?

• What might this mean for how we work together?

What You’re Practicing 🎯

• Psychological safety

• Attentive listening

• Self-disclosure with boundaries

• Empathy and perspective-taking

• Presence under vulnerability

• Trust-building through structure

Why It Works 🏗️

Trust doesn’t emerge from team-building games or shared tasks alone. It emerges when people feel seen, heard, and safe.

Love Questions work because they combine:

• Gradual self-disclosure

• Clear turn-taking

• Psychological safety through structure

This removes social guesswork and defensiveness, allowing connection to develop naturally — without pressure.

The structure does the heavy lifting. The people just show up.

What the Research Says 🔬

The Love Questions are inspired by the seminal research of Arthur Aron and colleagues, who demonstrated that structured self-disclosure between strangers can reliably generate feelings of interpersonal closeness. In Aron’s studies, pairs who moved through a carefully sequenced set of personal questions reported significantly stronger connection than control groups.

Decades later, Google’s Project Aristotle — its internal research on what makes teams effective — reached a complementary conclusion: the single most important factor in high-performing teams is psychological safety. Teams thrive when people feel safe to speak honestly, listen deeply, and show up as humans — not just roles. Love Questions operationalize this insight by creating a simple, evidence-based pathway to trust, openness, and connection in professional settings.

Pro Tips 🥠

• Name the awkwardness upfront — it fades quickly

• Protect the listening rule; it’s the core of the exercise

• Use fewer questions rather than rushing

• Allow silence—don’t rush to fill it

• Pair people who don’t usually talk deeply

• End before emotional saturation

Common Pitfalls ⚠️

• Turning it into therapy

• Forcing disclosure

• Letting discussion replace listening

• Rushing through questions

• Debriefing too intellectually instead of experientially

Optional Debrief 💬

• What shifted in how you saw your partner?

• What felt easy — or difficult — about listening without responding?

• How might this level of presence change everyday collaboration?

• What would it look like to bring a bit of this into meetings?

The Takeaway 🥡

Strong teams are built on trust — not efficiency alone.

Love Questions create the conditions for trust by slowing interaction down just enough for real connection to emerge. In leadership and teamwork, performance follows relationship quality.

This exercise is a fast, structured way to remember that.